The customary Monday list of football casualties is published again today.
Of football played in divers lands
Rules vary, so one understands.
With some the game is passing mild;
In other lands it grows so wild
That bits and scraps of players strew
The field long ere a game is through.
But here, the sport as I insist,
Is tamer. See this morning's list.
Far o'er the distant Khyber Hills
They play a game that's full of thrills
On rules once framed, it seems to me,
By one lamented Rafferty.
Each player bears a long, sharp knife
Involving some light loss of life.
But here the sport, I must insist,
Is softer. See this morning's list.
In Hindu Koosh they play the game
With vim and dash that's far from pain.
Gouging and throttling, so I've heard,
Are methods very much preferred -
A wise economy with all:
They need no umpire and no ball:
But here the sport, as I insist,
Is duller. See this morning's list.
In darkest Afric hinterlands
They bear knob-kerries in their hands
To bash each other on the beam.
But otherwise the sport is clean.
Yet I consider all the same
We play a much more girlish game.
For here the rules, as I insist,
Discourage homicide - see list.
First published in The Herald, 23 July 1934
Author reference sites: C.J. Dennis, Austlit, Australian Dictionary of Biography, Australian Poetry Library
See also.
