Not guilty, yer Honor . . . An’ givin’ me reasons,
I’d like for to plead this ‘ere change in the seasons,
   Plus one flamin’ goat with a terrible silly
   Great grin on ‘is map wot ‘ud drive a man dilly

‘E lobs in me shop an’ -- “Is this enough rain for yeh?”
Honest yer Honor, I’d like to explain for yeh,
   ‘Twas n’t ‘is tone, or ‘is talk of the weather
   And ‘twas n’t ‘is grin; but the whole lot together.

“This enough rain for yeh?” Stands there inquirin’,
As if this ‘ere rain’s the one thing I’m desirin’.
   “Wet, ain’t it?” ‘e grins, with ‘is mackintosh leakin’
   All over me carpit . . . it’s justice I’m seekin’ –-

Plain justice, yer Honor.  I wonder I’m sober.
You know ‘ow it poured thro’ the whole of October,
   Then floods in November –- an’ this ‘eathen image
   Sez, “Rain enough for yeh?”  That started the scrimmage.

“Wet, ain’t it?” ‘e sez.  Can a man claim I wrongs ‘im
Right there in me shop, when I ups an’ I dongs ‘im?
   For I done al me cash –- as ‘e well must remember,
   The coot –- in this ‘ere ice-cream joint last September.

Yes, ice-cream, yer Honor.  Cool drinks –- then this weather
An’ ‘im, an’ ‘is talk, an’ ‘is grin all together –-
   Well –- a man can stand so much.  I ain’t prone to fightin’,
   But, if a fine must be, well, make it a light ‘un.

"Den"
Herald, 1 December 1934, p6