Old Muller he vos gloomy, for der reason, it vos said,
He didn't haf some hairs upon der summit of his head;
So he go und see a gemist man, dot vos of some renown,
Und ole him could he make some hairs come oud upon his crown.

Dot gemist he mix up some stuff to make der hair sproud oud,
Und Muller ask him to der pub und says dot he vill shoud:
"For any man," says Muller, "he is vort a trink or two,
Vot makes mein tobnod crow, und so I shouts a trink for you."

So Muller under der gemist man dey go to der hotel,
Und Muller meets some fellers dere dot he knows very well;
Den mister gemist haf a trink und Muller he haf two,
und den dey keep on trinking until everything vos plew.

Ven Muller voke next morning, oh, he haf an awful head,
And dough it vos midout some hair, 'twas heavier than lead;
Den he tvig dot hair restorer und he shook in ef'ry limb,
Cos he forgot dose d'rections dot der gemist tole to him.

Haf he to trink der plooming stuff, or rub it on his head?
"Just use him in der morning," dot vos all der label said,
But Muller he vos tirsty, so he murmured mid a sigh --
"I'll took der stuff inside, pecause I feel me very dry."

He don;t vos linger many hours -- I tink aboud elefen --
Den died of hairysiplis und measured five foot seven --
A Goronoer and Chury sit down on him ven he died,
Und der Chury brought a verdict in of "Death from Hairinicide."

"C.J.D."
The Evening Journal, 25 November 1899, p5