The Government should show that the telephones cost more than the revenue before asking the people to pay more. - President Fairbairn, M.P. at a recent meeting of the Victorian Employers' (Anti-Socialistic) Association.

The advantage to the people was held to counter-balance any loss, and the loss was spread over the population.- Another Anti-Socialistic speaker at the same meeting.

      Mister Chairman; - er - ah - when
      We right-thinking business men
 Are treated with much scant - um - er - civility,
      I say the time has come
      For us to - er - ah - um -
To defend our rights and - er - respectability.


      We are right, sir, to defened
      Our interests. And the trend
Of present legislation is - fantastic, sir.
      That is - er - the only word
      To describe it.  It's absurd!
And calls for opposition - um - er - drastic, sir!


      And - ah - sir.  I think I can
      Say this meeting to a man
Is distinctly Anti-Sosh and - er - and sensible;
      And holds that Labor aims
      And Socialistic claims
Are visionary and - um - reprehensible.


      We are ready to resist
      The - ah - rabid Socialist,
Who's as great an anarchist as any Russian, sir!
      And the Labor party's laws
      Are tyrranical!  (Applause.)
Which - er - brings me to the subject of discussion, sir.


      Regarding telephones:
      The Labor Party (Groans)
Seems to think it can oppress us with impunity.
      But I hold, sir, it is plain
      That the benefits we gain
Should be paid for by - that is - the whole community!


      As an Anti-Socialist,
      Mister Chairman, I insist - 
(If that gentleman who interjected recently
      Will endeavour to restrain
      His impatience, I'll explain.
I'd remind him we conduct these meetings decently).


      Mister Chairman, to resume.
      When I look around this room
On the members of this - er - great society,
      And consider we've to pay
      For these benefits, I say
It's - er - bordering on - um - on impropriety!


      The - er - people, sir, should bear -
      (What's that? ... I protest, sir!  Chair!
This - er - person who seems bent upon confusing me
      With his most unseemly din - 
      I don't know how he got in -
Cannot shake my argument, sir, by abusing me.)


      And I answer him, sir, Bosh!
      Bosh!  How dare he call me Sosh!
Our position is invinc - er - ah - invincible!
      His remarks, sir, I resent,
      And I hold my argument
Is a basic principle of - um - of principle!


      As my worthy friend, Bruce Smith
      (Bosh sir! ... Petriana myth! ...
Six hitters! ... Marriage tie! ... er - Confiscation, sir!
      Um - er - break up fam'ly ties! ...
      Lies, sir!  Socialistic lies!
Alarming capital and immigration, sir!)


      Now - (Eh! ... Order!  Sir, I claim
      Your protection!  What's his name?
Is this man a member?  Sir, show your authority!
      An imposter, I've no doubt.
      Ha, I thought so!  Put him out!)
Now the motion ... Carried!  by a large majority.

"Den"
The Bulletin, 29 April 1909, p24