There's been fierce argument of late
   In my vicinitee,
Between the Commonwealth and State,
   For I fell out with me.


I am a sturdy Federalist,
   A staunch Australian;
And I have waved an angry fist
  At me, the States' Rights man.


The argument began like this:
  I to myself one night
Remarked: "There's something sore amiss
   That cries to be put right.


"This argument 'twixt Commonwealth
   And State must cease, 'tis plain.
'Tis interfering with my health
   And rending me in twain."


"Then, as a free," myself replied,
   "Elector of the State,
I hold my Rights can't be denied,
   And I've been wronged of late.


"The Commonwealth's extravagance" -
   "Hold on," I said, "hold on!
A fool could tell you at a glance
    Where all the money's gone.


"Of late the States' expenditure
   Has risen high and higher."
"What rot," me thought. "That's pretty pure!"
   Then shouted, "I'm a liar!"


I rose to smite the Fed'ralist
  And - what do you suppose? -
I found, with my avenging fist,
   The States' Rights person's nose.


And yet, it did seem strange, because
   Though, truly, as I've said,
I hit the State elector, 'twas
   The Federal nose that bled.


"See here," I said, "this game won't do.
   We'll have to stop and think.
There's something wrong with me and you.
   Let's go and have a drink."


We entered, without further hitch,
   A pub across the way,
And had a single drink, for which
   We both appeared to pay.


"Enough of this!" the States' man brayed.
   "You asked me over here
To have a drink, and when I've paid,
   You drink the bloomin' beer!"


"Nay," quoth the Fed'ralist, "I think
   You err. To me 'tis clear
I paid the money for the drink,
   And you consumed the beer.


"I don't know what you are to me,
   A foe, or friend, or brother.
To settle it I think I - we -
   YOU better have another."


We had another.   Then we sat
  Awhile, morose and mute;
Then drifted into friendly chat
   About our late dispute.


"I think I see a point we've missed,
   And that suggests a plan."
At length said I, the Fed'ralist,
   To Me, the States' Rights man.


"It may seem strange to you at first;
   We both wear one same hat,
We have one coat, one shirt, one thirst;
   Why should we stop at that?


"To buy two drinks to quench one thirst
   Is utterly absurd;
Unless, of course, you're on a burst
   Or jag (excuse the word).


"But, since, we're one in thirst and dress
   Why not be one in view?
I can't see why we don't possess
   But one opinion too.


"For I begin to think 'tis true,
   Whatever else we be,
That while I'm virtually you
   You're practically me.


"We're both one man.  It's all a fake!
   You're me, and I am you;
Though politicians try to make
   Us think that we are two.


"And if a thing suits one it should,
   Quite clearly, suit the two.
And if this Federation's good
  For me, it's good for you.


"'Tis folly that we two should fight,
   And wrangle, and abuse;
So, seeing things in this new light,
   It's up to us to fuse."


We fose forthwith, I'm pleased to say,
   We're now a single man. 
And that man is, from now, alway,
   A good Austral-i-an.

"Den"
The Bulletin, 4 November 1909, p7