'Er name's Doreen....His name is Glug!
We welcome him, but with a shrug.
These Glugs of Gloom, these Glugs of Gosh
Are only futile Glugs of bosh:
They're clever, but they will not wash!
The simple, silly songs of Sym
Are neat, but we prefer to him
Another -- you know whom we mean...
      'Er name's Doreen!

The Isles of Glug!  The miles of Glug!
This long post-mortem on a slug!
Come back, "Den," from the Land of Og,
The Guffer Bird, the Feasible Dog;
Come out of Allegory's bog:
Have done with flimsy metaphor:
Give us the skirt we all adore --
On her a continent is keen --
      'Er name's Doreen!

'Er name's Doreen....It isn't Glug:
She is the one we'd like to hug.
We rather like your Tailor Man;
We give three Glugs for Emily Ann;
But make her human -- and you can!
You wield a neat and graceful pen;
You've got a pretty fancy, "Den" --
You know the fancy that we mean:
      'Er name's Doreen!

We do not like your Land of Glug;
Your fairy sermon is too smug.
Your fancies you too fiercely flog
Of Joi and Swank and Splosh and Og;
For those who put on Feasible Dog
Are handed up the Guffer Bird!
Come back to something less absurd;
And set on solid earth your scene --
      'Er name's Doreen!

We can't dismiss you with a shrug,
And name you merely "C. J. Glug."
There's beauty in your verse, and wit --
Why make a whole book out of it?
Doreen is out of date a bit,
And so's your Sentimental Bloke;
Still, Life's a Sentimental Joke,
So give us Life, another queen
      Not named Doreen!

So hie you home from Gosh and Glug;
Your grave you haven't nearly dug.
You'll often cheer us, cobber "Den";
In human heart-blood dip your pen.
Back to your old bush 'bus again!
And give us laughter, pathos, quick --
And love and death -- another Mick.
A Bloke from sentiment swept clean,
      A new Doreen!

The Glugs of Gosh, by C.J. Dennis (Angus and Robertson, Sydney, ordinary edition, 4s., trench edition. 4s., and Blue Wren edition, containing six extra colored plates, 7s. 6d.) is too gluggish for this page. In clever and ludicrous verse Dennis introduces us to the land of Gosh and its inhabitants, the Glugs. Apparently a Glug is yourself as you are, or, maybe, the man in the street. Dennis tells us:-

A Glug is an awfully Gluglike thing and what one Glug does the other Glugs do, and yesterday's Glug is the Glug of to-day, and if you know one Glug, why, you know the lot, and a Glug will boast that he is a Glug.

Full directions are supplied to find the land of Gosh:-

Wait till the clock in the tower booms three,
   And the big bank opposite gnashes its doors,
Then glide with a gait that is carefully free
   By the great brick building of seventeen floors;
Haste by the draper who smirks at his door,
   Straining to lure you with sinister force,
Turn up the lane by the second-hand store,
   And halt by the light bay carrier's horse.

There are other ways: one is to meditate deeply on softgoods or sex....Then there are the Swanks -- you know them -:

They lurk in every Gov'ment lair,
   'Mid docket dull and dusty file,
Solemnly squat in an easy chair,
Penning a minute of rare hot air
        In departmental style.
In every office, on every floor
   Are Swanks, and Swanks, distracting Swanks,
        And Acting-Swanks a score,
And coldly distant, sub-assistant
        Under-Swanks galore.

If the reader can gain entrance to the Land of Gosh, he will be interested in the happenings there; the revolt of Sym, the German trade methods of the inhabitants of the land of Og, and the love-story of the Tinker and his Emily Ann; but it is doubtful whether his interest will last till Sym, the Tinker, wins his Emily Ann; while for those sluggish, gliggish individuals like this page who cannot find the "Open Sesame," they can merely admire Dennis's ludicrous touch and dexterous versification, while deploring the pains he has taken over so slight a thing. It will be interesting to see what Billjim, poring over his special trench edition, will make of it.

Hal Gye provides some charming colored illustrations in the more expensive edition and in the other editions a delightful; frontispiece and other decorations. There is clever work here, but when so many fine modern artists have so beautifully and quaintly illustrated fairy-tales, one need not expect much originality in conception or design.

The Bulletin, 11 October 1917, red page