Letter by CJD to R.H. Croll 1913.11.29

Toolangi
Nov 29/13

Dear Croll,

Have reached my lonely humpy in good order and condition, but can hardly say that I have quite settled down. The loneliness of it has never hit me up quite so badly before and I have to work like blazes to fend off the blues.

It is not an unhealthy discontent that has got hold of me, but it is being home(?) in upon me with some force that I came mighty near vegetating here. I never lost ambition altogether, certainly, but I am beginning to see that I was gradually becoming content with less, and rather apt to let things drift and was becoming absorbed in little local affairs that deserved no more than passing notice.

Thanks to you fellows, the wider outlook has returned and a consequent healthy desire for things worth the striving for.

I must take a walk around myself, so to speak, and consider this attitude from all points of view, and spit on my hands and get a fresh grip, and strive to smash that damned diffidence and lack of self-confidence that gets me down at times.

Beautifully egotistic, isn't it, this little homily on me?

I think you will understand, without my growing maudlin about it, that I fully recognise and appreciate your many kindnesses to me while I was in town and that I am duly grateful. It sounds conventional to say that I hope to repay you in some way some day, but I hope it is understood by now that such things do not pass between us for mere convention's sake. Damn convention! And I trust you will join me in the curse.

I received a delightful letter from Mrs Roberts when I reached home enclosing a cutting signed "Den" from - the Women's Budget!!

I sent it on to Roberts; he may show it to you. These sentiments are all right, but they might have been clothed more decently, and I hardly regard it as an advertisement.

Could you manage to let Miss Fordyce know that Bassett's will not be able to let them have rooms at Xmas? She said something to me about wanting to secure them there. If she lets me know exactly what is wanted I might be able to fix it up.

If there is anything I can do for you fellows about the huts or anything else please let me know. When I think of the kindness of Roberts and yourself and the others I feel somewhat swinish - like a fat pig at a banquet. I certainly grunt my thanks at times, but it seems a very one-sided business.

Am at present on a yarn for Mulchinnock(?), thinking 'tween times of the "Herald" articles. At present I could do very well with two or three ghosts.

My kind regards to your sister and your cousin and to Frank.

Hope to see you up for a week-end soon. Also Delenda Est Carthago.

Yours truly
Den

CROLL Collection MS 8910, 1202/1(b) - State Library of Victoria.

Notes:
The "Roberts" referred to is J. G. Roberts.